It's not Father's Day yet, so I'm writing a post that's aimed at being preventative rather than responsive. Let's strike a bargain, okay? Tomorrow, just tomorrow, let's be okay with people praising their fathers, grandfathers, uncles, or any other person who filled this role as a praiseworthy role model in the absence of a traditional father. Let's not tell them in the midst of their happy remembrances and grateful, thankful hearts, that they are doing this wrong. Let's not rebuke and correct them and suggest that the "appropriate" way to celebrate this holiday is to remember the pain of so many others who didn't have a father in their lives. Because what we are telling them is that you shouldn't be thinking about your father or that wonderful person who stepped in to be that "father, you should be thinking about me -- my lack of a father, my pain at his absence, me, me, me. That pain and those conversations should take place. You should absolutely be able to pour out your vulnerability and your brokenness and your hurt -- and those conversations can and should be taking place throughout the calendar year. But let's just hold back enough to resist the urge to shame people for being happy on this day -- because their happiness is actually a good thing, and it doesn't encroach or deny your legitimate sadness at your lack of a good (or present) father. We would never respond to a husband's post thanking his wife for 10 years of wedded bliss by reminding him that on his wedding anniversary he really ought to be thinking of the 50% of marriages that end in divorce. I have friends who are broken-hearted in the midst of their infertility, but they never post on those newborn hospital pics "Just remember, we'll never have this joy." Because they understand, they are self-aware enough, to realize "this isn't actually about me." So, please, please, please, let's pursue having those conversations about how an absent father or an abusive father hurt us, but let's not do so by shaming others who are simply doing a good thing by giving honor to whom honor is due. They aren't doing it to hurt me or you. Actually, they aren't doing it for us at all. Because... it's not about us. Although we really, really want it to be. So let's just let it be about someone else. It's good for us to acknowledge that we're not the center of the universe 100% of the time, truly it is.
Saturday, June 14, 2014
Friday, June 6, 2014
How to Have a Baby for Free (at a hospital or at home)
On August 1, 2012 our beautiful daughter, Elinor, made her grand debut. It was my first natural delivery (without pitocin and without an epidural), and we were able to head home within 24 hours. I had Blue Cross Blue Shield insurance coverage, and I had a perfectly healthy little baby girl. Time has flown by so quickly. In less than two months we'll be celebrating her 2nd birthday, and at the same time we'll be celebrating sending off our very last payment for her hospital delivery bill. Can I get an "Amen"?
Ironically, our yet-to-be-born 4th child, will have their bill paid off before Elinor will using the exact same doctor and the exact same hospital -- even though neither the baby nor I will have health insurance. How? This month (June), we'll be receiving 22 checks, each written for $315 addressed to me along with a note of encouragement or prayer. We'll cash those checks, and we'll make one lump sum payment to cover the entire cost of my delivery. If complications arise (a C-section is necessary or the baby needs extra care) that too will be paid for by strangers. Kind of cool, right?
You may be rather puzzled about how one might be able to pull off the con of the century (as I clearly have). Allow me to take you back in time, dear one, and you shall see.
One of the biggest concerns we had when I transitioned from a full-time working mom to a stay-at-home mom was medical insurance. We could not afford for me to be on Trey's BCBS insurance, so we opted to purchase private insurance, which in almost all cases, comes without maternity coverage. I've got a 5 year old, a 3 year old, a 1 year old, and I'm 24 weeks pregnant. At this point, I consider my OB/GYN's office to be my home away from home, so having health insurance that covered everything but maternity care was ridiculous. What was also ridiculous was receiving letter after letter from BCBS stating that they would be raising my rates as a result of the need to comply with new legislation. I called BCBS and complained directly -- as any lady would. Surely paying $188 a month and visiting the doctor exactly one time in the last 12 months balanced out. Why was I being told I would need to change my monthly payment to $218, $233, and now $257? When were these increases going to stop? The answer? Never.
We needed a new plan. Either Trey was going to need to enroll in online midwife classes, or we were going to have to rethink our current insurance situation. We opted for the latter. Enter Samaritan Ministries!!!!!! You may recall the story of the Good Samaritan, the one in which a Samaritan did not pass by a hurt and injured man, but instead opted to care for his needs paying out of his own pocket for this stranger to be restored to health. It's a beautiful Bible story, but also one that seems woefully out of date. Who does things like that anymore? It seems rather in the realm of fairy-tale doesn't it? (I just accidentally typed farty-tale and corrected it. You're welcome). Anyhow, lo and behold, there are perfect strangers who will pay your medical bills for you, and you get the privilege of partnering with them to pay for other strangers, as well. Samaritan ministries describes itself as "a Biblical, non-insurance approach to health care needs." It's not health-insurance. It's radically different from health insurance. When you go to the doctor, you check the box as a "self-pay" patient. However, despite your appalling lack of insurance coverage, you're actually exempt from the requirements of the Affordable Care Act if you participate in Samaritan (or one of the other 2 ministries that have been exempted under the same guidelines).
Here's how it works:
Another major difference is Samaritan's belief that your family along with your local community of faith should be able to handle needs that are less than $300. This means that if my child gets pink eye and the visit is $125, I must foot the bill. We need to have a few hundred dollars set aside for things such as this. We may not need to use it, but if we do, we'll be glad it's there. This also means that if an "incident" is more than $300, I am still responsible for the first $300. BUT WAIT!!! This is waived if you (or Samaritan) are able to negotiate a lower bill with the doctor or provider. This means that if my ER visit comes out to $1200, but they are willing to take $900 in cash to have it all paid off at once, I no longer have to pay that first $300. It's waived! In my experience, negotiating a lower bill with the promise of paying it in full is easy to accomplish because insurance companies are often only paying a fraction of what the hospitals and doctors are billing them, so they don't expect you to pay those inflated prices either.
If you are interested in joining Samaritan please visit their website first. Read the fine print about the $100,000 limit, about the pre-existing condition limitations, lifestyle commitments, etc. Ask lots and lots of questions. You will want to know whether this fits your family's specific needs. In our case, it has been a perfect fit that meets our needs so much better than an insurance company. Imagine calling your "health insurance" rep on the phone and having them pray over the health of your unborn baby. Gold, I tell you, gold.
Also, please keep in mind that Samaritan isn't the only option. Please consider Medi-Share and Christian HealthCare Ministries. While their goals are similar, they are all slightly different in ways that may mean one is a much better fit that the others. In our local church, I know people who are members of all three of these ministries. Ask around so you can get first hand accounts of member's experiences. If you do choose to enroll in one of these three, consider putting their name or member ID down when you fill out your initial paperwork. Your friend may get a month "free" for referring you (though this is not always the case). If you're not sure where to start in comparing these three, here's the first article I ever read on the topic: http://christianmedplans.com/which-plan/
Any other Samaritan folks out there? Christian HealthCare or Medi-Share? How has your experience been?
Ironically, our yet-to-be-born 4th child, will have their bill paid off before Elinor will using the exact same doctor and the exact same hospital -- even though neither the baby nor I will have health insurance. How? This month (June), we'll be receiving 22 checks, each written for $315 addressed to me along with a note of encouragement or prayer. We'll cash those checks, and we'll make one lump sum payment to cover the entire cost of my delivery. If complications arise (a C-section is necessary or the baby needs extra care) that too will be paid for by strangers. Kind of cool, right?
 |
| Amazing, right? |
You may be rather puzzled about how one might be able to pull off the con of the century (as I clearly have). Allow me to take you back in time, dear one, and you shall see.
One of the biggest concerns we had when I transitioned from a full-time working mom to a stay-at-home mom was medical insurance. We could not afford for me to be on Trey's BCBS insurance, so we opted to purchase private insurance, which in almost all cases, comes without maternity coverage. I've got a 5 year old, a 3 year old, a 1 year old, and I'm 24 weeks pregnant. At this point, I consider my OB/GYN's office to be my home away from home, so having health insurance that covered everything but maternity care was ridiculous. What was also ridiculous was receiving letter after letter from BCBS stating that they would be raising my rates as a result of the need to comply with new legislation. I called BCBS and complained directly -- as any lady would. Surely paying $188 a month and visiting the doctor exactly one time in the last 12 months balanced out. Why was I being told I would need to change my monthly payment to $218, $233, and now $257? When were these increases going to stop? The answer? Never.
We needed a new plan. Either Trey was going to need to enroll in online midwife classes, or we were going to have to rethink our current insurance situation. We opted for the latter. Enter Samaritan Ministries!!!!!! You may recall the story of the Good Samaritan, the one in which a Samaritan did not pass by a hurt and injured man, but instead opted to care for his needs paying out of his own pocket for this stranger to be restored to health. It's a beautiful Bible story, but also one that seems woefully out of date. Who does things like that anymore? It seems rather in the realm of fairy-tale doesn't it? (I just accidentally typed farty-tale and corrected it. You're welcome). Anyhow, lo and behold, there are perfect strangers who will pay your medical bills for you, and you get the privilege of partnering with them to pay for other strangers, as well. Samaritan ministries describes itself as "a Biblical, non-insurance approach to health care needs." It's not health-insurance. It's radically different from health insurance. When you go to the doctor, you check the box as a "self-pay" patient. However, despite your appalling lack of insurance coverage, you're actually exempt from the requirements of the Affordable Care Act if you participate in Samaritan (or one of the other 2 ministries that have been exempted under the same guidelines).
Here's how it works:
- I sign-up to partner with Samaritan Ministries.
- I receive a letter each month instructing me who I should mail my "share" to (in my case, it's a $165 check) along with a brief description of how I can be praying for that person.
- I pop that check in the mailbox, along with a kind note of encouragement or prayer.
- I collect my itemized medical bills, and submit them to Samaritan Ministries
- They contact me to confirm that they were received and also to get my permission to negotiate on my behalf for a reduction in my bill.
- They publish my need by sending a letter to other members directing them to mail me their "shares"
- I cash the checks and pay my bill. If anything is left over, I return it to Samaritan. If additional costs arise, I resubmit those extra bills.
Another major difference is Samaritan's belief that your family along with your local community of faith should be able to handle needs that are less than $300. This means that if my child gets pink eye and the visit is $125, I must foot the bill. We need to have a few hundred dollars set aside for things such as this. We may not need to use it, but if we do, we'll be glad it's there. This also means that if an "incident" is more than $300, I am still responsible for the first $300. BUT WAIT!!! This is waived if you (or Samaritan) are able to negotiate a lower bill with the doctor or provider. This means that if my ER visit comes out to $1200, but they are willing to take $900 in cash to have it all paid off at once, I no longer have to pay that first $300. It's waived! In my experience, negotiating a lower bill with the promise of paying it in full is easy to accomplish because insurance companies are often only paying a fraction of what the hospitals and doctors are billing them, so they don't expect you to pay those inflated prices either.
If you are interested in joining Samaritan please visit their website first. Read the fine print about the $100,000 limit, about the pre-existing condition limitations, lifestyle commitments, etc. Ask lots and lots of questions. You will want to know whether this fits your family's specific needs. In our case, it has been a perfect fit that meets our needs so much better than an insurance company. Imagine calling your "health insurance" rep on the phone and having them pray over the health of your unborn baby. Gold, I tell you, gold.
Also, please keep in mind that Samaritan isn't the only option. Please consider Medi-Share and Christian HealthCare Ministries. While their goals are similar, they are all slightly different in ways that may mean one is a much better fit that the others. In our local church, I know people who are members of all three of these ministries. Ask around so you can get first hand accounts of member's experiences. If you do choose to enroll in one of these three, consider putting their name or member ID down when you fill out your initial paperwork. Your friend may get a month "free" for referring you (though this is not always the case). If you're not sure where to start in comparing these three, here's the first article I ever read on the topic: http://christianmedplans.com/which-plan/
Any other Samaritan folks out there? Christian HealthCare or Medi-Share? How has your experience been?
Thursday, June 5, 2014
Stuart Little Read-Aloud
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| Half Price Books - 50¢ |
At bedtime for the past two weeks, I've been reading Owen Ray and Chandler a chapter of Stuart Little by E.B. White. We just finished up last night. One of my favorite things to see happen is that Stuart's adventures have entered into our conversations during the day. The boys speculated that perhaps Stuart was driving around the living room in his invisible car right as we were having our lunch. It was so rewarding to see that they were actually soaking up the story each night, enough to fuel their imaginations days later.
On my part, it was far from a chore. This 70 year old book feels like it was written yesterday, and I was sad to realize we were on the last chapter last night. I'm not sure what book is next, but it will have some very large mouse feet to fill.
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