PSA (Public Service Announcement or Personal Self-Awareness)

It's not Father's Day yet, so I'm writing a post that's aimed at being preventative rather than responsive.  Let's strike a bargain, okay?  Tomorrow, just tomorrow, let's be okay with people praising their fathers, grandfathers, uncles, or any other person who filled this role as a praiseworthy role model in the absence of a traditional father.  Let's not tell them in the midst of their happy remembrances and grateful, thankful hearts, that they are doing this wrong.  Let's not rebuke and correct them and suggest that the "appropriate" way to celebrate this holiday is to remember the pain of so many others who didn't have a father in their lives.  Because what we are telling them is that you shouldn't be thinking about your father or that wonderful person who stepped in to be that "father, you should be thinking about me -- my lack of a father, my pain at his absence, me, me, me.  That pain and those conversations should take place.  You should absolutely be able to pour out your vulnerability and your brokenness and your hurt -- and those conversations can and should be taking place throughout the calendar year.  But let's just hold back enough to resist the urge to shame people for being happy on this day -- because their happiness is actually a good thing, and it doesn't encroach or deny your legitimate sadness at your lack of a good (or present) father.  We would never respond to a husband's post thanking his wife for 10 years of wedded bliss by reminding him that on his wedding anniversary he really ought to be thinking of the 50% of marriages that end in divorce.  I have friends who are broken-hearted in the midst of their infertility, but they never post on those newborn hospital pics "Just remember, we'll never have this joy."  Because they understand, they are self-aware enough, to realize "this isn't actually about me."  So, please, please, please, let's pursue having those conversations about how an absent father or an abusive father hurt us, but let's not do so by shaming others who are simply doing a good thing by giving honor to whom honor is due. They aren't doing it to hurt me or you.  Actually, they aren't doing it for us at all.  Because... it's not about us.  Although we really, really want it to be.  So let's just let it be about someone else.  It's good for us to acknowledge that we're not the center of the universe 100% of the time, truly it is.

 

How to Have a Baby for Free (at a hospital or at home)

On August 1, 2012 our beautiful daughter, Elinor, made her grand debut.  It was my first natural delivery (without pitocin and without an epidural), and we were able to head home within 24 hours.  I had Blue Cross Blue Shield insurance coverage, and I had a perfectly healthy little baby girl.  Time has flown by so quickly.  In less than two months we'll be celebrating her 2nd birthday, and at the same time we'll be celebrating sending off our very last payment for her hospital delivery bill.  Can I get an "Amen"?

Ironically, our yet-to-be-born 4th child, will have their bill paid off  before Elinor will using the exact same doctor and the exact same hospital -- even though neither the baby nor I will have health insurance.  How? This month (June), we'll be receiving 22 checks, each written for $315 addressed to me along with a note of encouragement or prayer.  We'll cash those checks, and we'll make one lump sum payment to cover the entire cost of my delivery.  If complications arise (a C-section is necessary or the baby needs extra care) that too will be paid for by strangers.  Kind of cool, right?

Amazing, right?

 You may be rather puzzled about how one might be able to pull off the con of the century (as I clearly have).  Allow me to take you back in time, dear one, and you shall see.

One of the biggest concerns we had when I transitioned from a full-time working mom to a stay-at-home mom was medical insurance.  We could not afford for me to be on Trey's BCBS insurance, so we opted to purchase private insurance, which in almost all cases, comes without maternity coverage. I've got a 5 year old, a 3 year old, a 1 year old, and I'm 24 weeks pregnant.  At this point, I consider my OB/GYN's office to be my home away from home, so having health insurance that covered everything but maternity care was ridiculous.  What was also ridiculous was receiving letter after letter from BCBS stating that they would be raising my rates as a result of the need to comply with new legislation.  I called BCBS and complained directly -- as any lady would.  Surely paying $188 a month and visiting the doctor exactly one time in the last 12 months balanced out.  Why was I being told I would need to change my monthly payment to $218, $233, and now $257?  When were these increases going to stop?  The answer? Never.

We needed a new plan. Either Trey was going to need to enroll in online midwife classes, or we were going to have to rethink our current insurance situation.  We opted for the latter.  Enter Samaritan Ministries!!!!!! You may recall the story of the Good Samaritan, the one in which a Samaritan did not pass by a hurt and injured man, but instead opted to care for his needs paying out of his own pocket for this stranger to be restored to health.  It's a beautiful Bible story, but also one that seems woefully out of date.  Who does things like that anymore?  It seems rather in the realm of fairy-tale doesn't it?  (I just accidentally typed farty-tale and corrected it. You're welcome).  Anyhow, lo and behold, there are perfect strangers who will pay your medical bills for you, and you get the privilege of partnering with them to pay for other strangers, as well.  Samaritan ministries describes itself as "a Biblical, non-insurance approach to health care needs."  It's not health-insurance.  It's radically different from health insurance.  When you go to the doctor, you check the box as a "self-pay" patient.  However, despite your appalling lack of insurance coverage, you're actually exempt from the requirements of the Affordable Care Act if you participate in Samaritan (or one of the other 2 ministries that have been exempted under the same guidelines). 
Here's how it works:

1. I sign-up to partner with Samaritan Ministries. 
2. I receive a letter each month instructing me who I should mail my "share" to (in my case, it's a $165 check) along with a brief description of how I can be praying for that person.
3. I pop that check in the mailbox, along with a kind note of encouragement or prayer.

What about if I have a "need"?

1.  I collect my itemized medical bills, and submit them to Samaritan Ministries
2. They contact me to confirm that they were received and also to get my permission to negotiate on my behalf for a reduction in my bill.
3. They publish my need by sending a letter to other members directing them to mail me their "shares"
4. I cash the checks and pay my bill.  If anything is left over, I return it to Samaritan.  If additional costs arise, I resubmit those extra bills.

I'm responsible not only for mailing out my "share" each month, but I'm also responsible for any preventative care I may choose to receive.  I schedule my well-woman exam every November.  It's not a surprise medical event.  It comes year after year, every year -- and so my family must budget and pay for that.  Likewise, my children attend well-child exams.  I must arrange with the doctor to let them know I'm self-pay and check the box that says that I want the "under-insured" $10 vaccines. In my experience, my doctors have been elated not to deal with insurance companies.  They charge me $50 for what would otherwise be a $125 visit. 

Another major difference is Samaritan's belief that your family along with your local community of faith should be able to handle needs that are less than $300.  This means that if my child gets pink eye and the visit is $125, I must foot the bill.  We need to have a few hundred dollars set aside for things such as this.  We may not need to use it, but if we do, we'll be glad it's there.  This also means that if an "incident" is more than $300, I am still responsible for the first $300. BUT WAIT!!! This is waived if you (or Samaritan) are able to negotiate a lower bill with the doctor or provider.  This means that if my ER visit comes out to $1200, but they are willing to take $900 in cash to have it all paid off at once, I no longer have to pay that first $300.  It's waived!  In my experience, negotiating a lower bill with the promise of paying it in full is easy to accomplish because insurance companies are often only paying a fraction of what the hospitals and doctors are billing them, so they don't expect you to pay those inflated prices either.

If you are interested in joining Samaritan please visit their website first.  Read the fine print about the $100,000 limit, about the pre-existing condition limitations, lifestyle commitments, etc. Ask lots and lots of questions.  You will want to know whether this fits your family's specific needs.  In our case, it has been a perfect fit that meets our needs so much better than an insurance company.  Imagine calling your "health insurance" rep on the phone and having them pray over the health of your unborn baby. Gold, I tell you, gold.

Also, please keep in mind that Samaritan isn't the only option.  Please consider Medi-Share and Christian HealthCare Ministries. While their goals are similar, they are all slightly different in ways that may mean one is a much better fit that the others. In our local church, I know people who are members of all three of these ministries.  Ask around so you can get first hand accounts of member's experiences.  If you do choose to enroll in one of these three, consider putting their name or member ID down when you fill out your initial paperwork. Your friend may get a month "free" for referring you (though this is not always the case). If you're not sure where to start in comparing these three, here's the first article I ever read on the topic: http://christianmedplans.com/which-plan/

Any other Samaritan folks out there?  Christian HealthCare or Medi-Share?  How has your experience been?

Stuart Little Read-Aloud

 Half Price Books - 50¢

At bedtime for the past two weeks, I've been reading Owen Ray and Chandler a chapter of Stuart Little by E.B. White.  We just finished up last night.  One of my favorite things to see happen is that Stuart's adventures have entered into our conversations during the day.  The boys speculated that perhaps Stuart was driving around the living room in his invisible car right as we were having our lunch.  It was so rewarding to see that they were actually soaking up the story each night, enough to fuel their imaginations days later.  

On my part, it was far from a chore.  This 70 year old book feels like it was written yesterday, and I was sad to realize we were on the last chapter last night.  I'm not sure what book is next, but it will have some very large mouse feet to fill. 

Homeschooling: Year 1 Recap

Kindergarten - Homeschool Year 1

We are done!  Our first year of homeschooling has come to a close, and I find myself super grateful that we made it through relatively unscathed.  We did hit some road bumps, but I suppose they were minor.  I did so enjoy getting to be at home.  I am so thankful for this year, this time spent learning alongside Owen Ray.  It is a joy to see him light up, to make connections, to get excited about learning something new. Here's what we used:

Sonlight Core: "Exploring God's World" - This was just the gentle approach to kindergarten I was hoping for.  It had a great collection of classics, a couple first chapter books, introductory science books, and meaningful missionary stories.   It was all read-aloud, and it was really nice to spend the time sitting on the couch next to Owen Ray (and sometimes Chandler) reading to them. I was able to get it used for $170 and then I was able to re-list it and sell it for $170.  Am I thrilled?  Oh, yes!
How to Teach Your Child to Read in 100 Easy Lessons: Brilliant.  I love this book.  I saw Owen Ray make such rapid gains and learn the basics of reading so easily.  I cannot speak highly enough to this book.  Unfortunately, by the time we got to lesson 57, Owen Ray had been complaining of headaches for weeks and grew to loathe this book.  He kept saying that the words were getting too small and that he couldn't read them anymore (the words do get gradually smaller as the lessons progress).  We took him the the pediatrician's office, and he failed his eye exam.  We took him to the optometrist, and he failed his eye exam...again.  The optometrist said that at 5 years old, his eyes are changing so rapidly that she would not recommend glasses.  He would need to get them rechecked in a month or two because she thought his prescription would likely change that quickly and glasses might do more harm than good since she truly felt his eyes would correct themselves. Unfortunately, I think the damage was already done when it came to his reading lessons.  He already associated them with headaches, squinting, and feelings of frustration.  Right now, we're taking a break from reading instruction... because we can.  Isn't homeschooling awesome?  If I was his kindergarten teacher I would have to push through regardless of the negativity this might cause him to associate with reading.  You can't let each child go at their own pace, no matter how much you'd like to.  The pace is already set for you by your district's scope and sequence.  As a homeschooling mom, I'm not bound to this.  I can just increase the time I read aloud to him to help foster a joy and wonder of books and reading.  Owen Ray is due for another eye exam next month, and we'll have to see how they've changed since his last visit.  I was able to get this book for free from Paperback Swap's website.
Handwriting Without Tears: Kindergarten "Letter and Numbers for Me" - I am a HWOT fan.  If beautiful script and aesthetically pleasing letter formation are important to you as a parent, this may not be the best bet for you.  But if you have a boy, a boy who loves to scribble and finishes coloring a picture in 5 seconds flat, a boy who didn't even favor his right or his left hand but just kept switching back and forth... this handwriting program is kind of amazing.  We waited a long time to determine if Ray was going to be right or left-handed.  Just when we thought we had it figured out, he switched it up.  Even now, after a year of writing with his right hand, I occasionally notice he's got the pencil in his left hand and is forming his letters without either of us noticing the difference.  There is very little practice in this book.  We don't write the letter "d" 25 times.  We write it 8 times... perfectly.  There are even songs to sing and rhymes to recite to help you remember how to form a letter. It's A-MA-ZING! I was able to get the Student Book and Instructor's guide for $20 total.  I made my own manipulatives out of foam sheets instead of purchasing the wooden pieces.
Math-U-See: Primer - I'll be honest, math just isn't Owen Ray's favorite. Fortunately, the blocks that come with Math-U-See are his favorite.  I picked a super gentle approach to math on purpose. We've been working most heavily on the decimal system ("every place has a value" and "every value has a place").  But, he's not really interested or excited by learning these things, and his retention isn't very high.  He's most interested in math that relates to patterns and sorting and classifying objects.  To be more specific, he's most interested in math that relates to science, which, in contrast to math, is his favorite subject.  If he spots a repeating pattern in real life, he points it out immediately.  He loves to classify which objects belong, which don't, and why.  While we'll have to continue with those foundational elements of math (adding, subtracting, etc.), I'm not surprised at all that the type of math he's drawn to is exactly the same as the type of math his father excels at.  We got the booklet, DVD, and blocks for about $35 used.

What will we be doing for 1st grade?  Much of the same actually. We'll be moving up to Sonlight Core A: "Introduction to World Cultures" to cover our Literature, Language Arts, Bible, Geography and History (purchased used for $70).  Trey and I debate back and forth about whether or not to switch over to "Classical Conversations" since we both really like the classical model of education, but we were really happy with Sonlight, so we're sticking to it for this next year. Lord willing and eyes willing, we'll finish the last 43 lessons of "How to Teach Your Child to Read in 100 Easy Lessons" (free from PBSwap).  We'll move up to Handwriting Without Tears: "My Printing Book" (1st grade) - $16 total.  We'll proceed with Math-U-See and start the Alpha book next ($32 new).  We'll also add on Sonlight's Science B: "Animals, Astronomy, & Physics" (2nd grade level) since that is, by far, the subject that has most captured his attention ($20 used).  Additionally, he'll be completing 100 projects with his dad using "Snap Circuits, Jr." Physics Kit ($17 new).  I think they've already done 10, and I expect they'll get through them well before the end of the year.  If we're feeling super ambitious, we'll add on some art/drawing since that's an area he's increasingly interested in.  Oh, and we'll be starting 1st grade soon.  Like next week.  Since his baby brother or sister is arriving in late September, we'll take our summer break then, October-December (when the weather is cooler and when I'm on maternity leave) instead of May through July. 

Curriculum for 2014-2015

I've changed my mind about youth sports leagues (or Reflection on "Lord of the Flies")

{photo credit: nyac.org}

On Wednesday nights we often drive past the community sports fields. Owen Ray stares in wonder at the bright lights of the stadium and the games of soccer and football going on. As he approaches 6, he's increasingly interested in "ball games" (though he can't tell you which ball goes with which sport). My thoughts on organized sports? Pshh.  Who has time for that?  Not only do you have to dedicate precious weekend time to attending games, but you have to carve out time in your schedule to attend practice time during the week, as well!  Plus, they cost money.  And did I mention they cost money? I had always hoped that by the time my children were interested in playing sports, they would be able to run to our community playground around the corner and join in a game with the neighbor kids.  It's free; it allows them to build friendships with the children who live near them; they would be able to participate whenever the time permitted.  It sounds perfect, right?  If only other parents thought this through, they would realize that neighborhood pick-up games were far superior to any "league" they could sign up for.

 Two days ago the sun was shining, so the kids and I made the very short trek to our neighborhood playground.  7 or 8 boys varying in age from 1st grade to 5th grade were playing a game of tackle football.  From far away it looked like they were having so much fun.  "This is what I'm talking about!" I thought. Ray looked on with extreme curiosity.  You could see he was interested in what they were doing, but not interested enough to try to join them.  I recognized many of these boys.  What I did not recognize were the words coming out of their mouth.  Everything was derisive.  Everything was foul.  Miss a badly thrown ball little 6 year old?  "You're a loser."  Tackle someone? "Get off me $*#&@" It appeared that none of these boys could meet each others standards.  From their perspective, everything everyone else did was wrong and stupid and sorry, and no one was immune.  What's more, the group was purposefully excluding one neighborhood boy who had resigned himself to watch from the sidelines since he wasn't wanted on the playing field. This 9 year old immediately introduced himself to me then began playing with my 3 and 5 year old.

When I got home I called Trey almost in tears.  I felt so bad for that little boy who wasn't "good enough" to join in the game.  I relayed their harsh words to one another and how negative the entire game had been.  Trey reminded me that I should feel bad for all the boys.  After all, there were no winners involved; everyone was, in fact, a loser.  They were victims of the negative climate they, themselves, had created.  Suddenly my hopes of having Owen Ray join in the fun next year seemed a bit naive. My inquisitive, timid, and sometimes painfully shy child was not going to thrive in this environment.  He wouldn't be learning how to be tough; he'd learn how to be a jerk. And he's not going to turn the tide as if all this neighborhood game needs is a quirky 5 year old with a bright smile to right the ship.  This game probably needs an adult.  Maybe a leader to set the tone and establish some boundaries and guidelines.  What's that called?  Oh, right.  A Coach.  Because I've read Lord of the Flies, and I know what children devolve into when left to themselves.  Murderers. Obviously.

All this to say, I find myself looking up registration info for community recreation teams for the first time ever.  When are soccer sign-ups?  How much does it cost to play T-ball?  How many weekly practices are there for basketball?  I have no idea when or even if Owen Ray will be joining a sports team.  I just know that right now, I have changed my mind about other parents needing to think through the advantages of neighborhood pick-up games.  Because maybe they already have.  Or maybe they just already knew.  I mean, we have a stellar neighborhood.  Seriously.  I have the best neighbors ever.  I can't imagine what this looks like in other neighborhoods.

HS: Week 10 (well 20 actually)

Something that I absolutely treasure about homeschooling is the flexibility that it offers. During the Fall, I got most of Owen Ray's homeschooling accomplished during Elinor and Chandler's naptime.  I loved getting to spend those couple hours reading and teaching without battling distractions, however adorable and winsome those distractions might be.  When mid- November hit, however, I was inundated with sales on my Etsy shop.  Seriously.  In the single month leading up to Christmas, I made as much as I had made the entire 11 months prior.  It was such a huge financial blessing for my family, but something certainly had to give.  There was no way I could complete all that painting in the evenings.  After discussing it with Trey, I opted to put homeschooling on hiatus.  We stopped at Week 12 in our Sonlight curriculum in the middle of November and didn't touch it again until after Christmas break.  While Chandler and Ellie napped, I painted. Owen Ray either played independently in the backyard or settled himself on the couch with his enormous stack of picture books.  I felt a little guilty, but Trey offered lots of reassurance during this time and also did all that he could to help create more opportunities for me to paint when he was home by hanging out with the kids as much as possible and helping out with household chores.

 While I am so thankful for the Lord's provision during that season, I am also so glad it's over.  By the time Christmas break was ending, I was itching to get back to our former schedule.  I missed Sonlight!  Fortunately, Owen Ray did, as well.  On the first day we started back, instead of getting through the day's lesson plans -- we zoomed through an entire week. Since then, we've had many, many more days like that.  While I wasn't worried about catching up on our missed time (because I don't have to adhere to a scope and sequence like I did when I taught at the high school) I never would have dreamed we would already be weeks ahead of the Sonlight "schedule." In addition to that, we've integrated our first chapter books into our read-alouds which is exciting ( My Father's Dragon, Elmer and the Dragon and The Wind in the Willows).  For Owen Ray to make that leap from enjoying a picture book that is comprised of bright, eye-catching illustrations on every page to appreciating (and even being captivated by) pages of text with sparse black and white drawings is pretty startling to me.

HS: Week 9 or "The Week of Hospital Visits"

This week just started off on the wrong foot.  Chandler woke up Monday with a barking cough.  On Tuesday his croup (along with a good bit of vomiting and a high fever) was bad enough that we broke down and took him to the pediatrician's office even though we knew it would be a $120 visit (yep... we've got that kind of crappy insurance).  Much to our surprise, the pediatrician asked Trey to head to the local children's hospital with Chandler so that he could get a steroid shot, as well as epinephrine.  I stayed home with the well children while Trey and Chandler spent 6+ hours in the ER.  After a chest x-ray that was clear and a dose of steroids, Chandler was much improved. Praise the Lord.  Aside from a lingering fever on Wednesday, it felt like we were out of the woods.

Spider-man stickers for rockin' the X-ray

Thursday morning Elinor woke up with that tell-tale croup cough.  It didn't seem to be as rough as Chandler's was, and I even commented to Trey that I expected she would fare much better than he had since she didn't have the history of respiratory troubles that Chandler has.  I was oh so wrong.

 Friday morning, shortly after Trey left for work, I realized that she was really struggling to breathe, and seemed to be just as bad as Chandler.  I called the pediatrician and rushed over with her, hoping against hope they wouldn't say she needed to visit the hospital, as well.  They heard her stridor when we walked through the door and immediately took her back.  After the pediatrician looked over her she calmly let me know that she'd be ordering an ambulance to transport Ellie to the children's hospital and that I'd need to contact my husband immediately to have him pick up the boys so I could head to the hospital.  What?  I immediately burst into tears.  I was so shocked.  Ambulance?  I made the call to Trey.  He heard "ambulance... Ellie... transport... help" and made record time getting to the doctor's office. 

In the meanwhile, the doctor had come in to inject Elinor with a steroid that helped almost immediately.  That, combined with a simple saline mist seemed to provide real relief.  By the time the ambulance and Trey got there, it appeared she was doing better.  We asked the doctor to reevaluate if the ambulance was still necessary.  Because of liability, she still wanted to recommend the ambulance, but the paramedics said that if we felt comfortable transporting Ellie and she made a downturn on the way, we could always call them en route and they would pick her up.  I think that was there way of saying "Yep. She doesn't need an ambulance anymore.  But we can't say that."  This was such a blessing because that ambulance ride was going to be $1000+ out of pocket for us.  Trey and my mom (who was providentially already headed to our home before knowing about the hospital trip) made the drive with Elinor and I took the boys in another car.  During her car ride, Elinor was breathing much better than she had been all day.  By the time she arrived in ER, though, her breathing had become labored again.  The ER doc immediately ordered adrenaline.  It wasn't as effective as they would have liked to have seen so they ordered a stronger second dose.  Again, it didn't open her airway the way that had expected so they admitted her for observation.  After 7 hours they gave her another dose of steroids and the doctor felt comfortable releasing her.  We were headed home... at last.  I am so thankful for God's provision in sparing us from having to take an ambulance ride, in sparing us from having to make it an overnight stay, and for the availability of medical care that opens airways!  I'm also thankful for Cook Children's amazing playground and lego displays that kept my boys entertained whilst staying with their sister.  Lastly, I am grateful the Lord gave me a mom who came to my rescue and a husband who takes care of everything... because I needed them.

A gift from brothers: a stuffed fox named "Fixie"

Her doctor and nurse rocked -- they provide toys

However, I never want to go to the hospital again.  Ever.

As for homeschooling this week; it didn't happen, so we're doubling up next week.